Day and night I keep on weeping, crying for your help, but there is no reply. . . Psalm 22:2 (TLB)
“We attempt to comfort ourselves and make sense out of dying but the “the problem with death is the Absence” - Roger Rosenblatt.
The Journey – how I came to think of surviving my loss – to me had to two major components to face. One was: the Pain, in which I must painfully endure; and then, the Process - of Letting Go. Letting go of what was, and will never again . . . be.
If you decide to read books on grief or seek grief counseling, you will undoubtedly come across a description of the challenges for what "grievers" endure during the process of Grief known as – the "5 Stages of Grief ”. A term coined by noted author and psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross for her work with dying and grieving patience; however, I so disliked this “acceptance” phase. It seemed too "clichést" and too"nice and neat" – of which grief is neither. And I was angered because it wasn't as if I was given a choice in the matter IF I wanted to "do" this.
Although it may have been a “practical” truth, it angered me to keep being told, I must accept. I could not. . . So, I came to think of it differently. I intuitively understood that I had to endure the painful days and find the strength to keep going; thereby in time, I had to “let go." No two ways about it – Death, is so unfair! It forces you to face the “un-faceable."
And, it was such a lonely path.
Moreover, I came to accept that Grief is undeniably a PROCESS. “The Process”– was the pain and the agony of the way in which I would have to “walk-out”, and at times, felt like I “crawled through”, each painful day towards learning how to live with that missing part of myself.
So, in time, I began embracing "THE PROCESS” – what I must do – “TO SURVIVE”; and in time, "TO ACCEPT", the so-called “final” phase of grief, if there is ever such a thing, of the process in Learning –"THE ART OF LETTING GO."
Thereby, I refer to it as –"learning" because of the emotional courage it would take to survive. Getting to a point where I could "keep going" tended to be and (tends to be still) combinations of trial and error, stumbling and falling, and despair and hope.
And I say it is an "art" because it is my sincerest prayer that God makes of me – His "Masterpiece”– of "grace and mercy" through this gut-wrenching journey.
But, as Judy Tatelbaum – in her book The Courage to Grieve perceptively expressed, “In time even the absence mutates into another kind of presence." As anyone suffering a profound loss comes to know, we never stop feeling the absence, but that thing, that mass we now carry will eventually form into other chambers in our heart. And we are left to"find" ways to continue the desolate Journey ahead. . .
So, I've been on my journey of "Learning" –
Listen To Song: Mikaila - "The Art of Letting Go"